The last couple years I've enjoyed setting some different fitness goals for myself. I've learned that they have to be varied, quantifiable, and measurable so you can track your progress and improve the chances of success. For 2010, I set both distance and speed goals. (I also reference my 2009 goals in that blog post) And then I was blessed to get pregnant on the first try in March. :-) So I didn't quite hit all my goals, but came surprisingly close for having been pregnant most of the year and not really setting my goals using that assumption (although it was always the plan, I didn't want to publicly share my family planning intentions when setting New Year's goals!).
For 2011, I've been wrestling the last couple weeks with setting my New Year's goals. And I've had a ton of work to do getting ready to produce the inaugural New Year's Day Half Marathon, but it's still something that's been poking at the back corners of my mind. I really want to set some goals, it's how I've enjoyed starting the last couple years, but I just don't know what 2011 could hold for me. With a new baby and still in the middle of doctor-ordered C-section recovery, I have no clue how my body will recover and how quickly I'll get back running again. But I love to push myself, so I needed to set some sort of goals. So here we go...
I am setting two conservative goals aided at getting me moving and back racing again. And they are goals I plan to hit within the first 4 months of the year. And once these goals get met, I will immediately reassess the journey so far and set more goals. I think 2011 will be about incremental goals as I get back to my previous fitness level and then hope to improve on my previous good running throughout the year.
GOAL #1: To work towards a 50-mile month. In 2010, I had my first 100-mile month, and did that a few months out of the year. That was high mileage for me! As I recover, and since miles will take more time with the high percentage of walking I'll be doing, I think that working towards getting a regular run or walk workout in will culminate in this goal of a 50-mile month.
GOAL #2: To complete my first half marathon back by the end of March. I put this target because I am already registered for the Rock N Roll Dallas Half Marathon. I'm not a huge fan of Rock N Roll races because I feel the entry fees are too high especially because I don't feel like I need frills or a ton of post-race food or a post-race party to have fun at a race, but I had a great $20 promo deal one day that made the entry fee "reasonable". Also, this goal means I'd be able to participate in the Big D Half Marathon, one of my favorites to do. It would be my fifth time doing that race. Big D Half was my first half marathon back in 2005. :-)
So those are my goals. They are very different from my 2009 and 2010 goals, but that's to be expected given my current situation. As I recover from surgery and adjust to having two small children, it's important that I focus on my fitness health as well, but my general health and my family are two priorities that will always come higher!
Happy Running, and an early happy new year!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Doctor, I Warned You!
I had my post-surgery check-up with the doctor on Wednesday. I told her how well I had been recovering from the C-section, how I had already done a few slow walks totalling almost 6 miles, and how I had several registered nurse friends worried about how active I'd been so soon after major surgery. In the hospital, another doctor in her practice had seen me each day as my doc was on vacation. Now I had made it very clear to this doctor I was a runner - and not in an ambiguous sense. I told her total mileage over the year and averaged month to month. I told her the various distance races I ran while pregnant. I didn't want her thinking it was a case of "I run/walk a couple miles a few times a week". I wanted her to know that I'm the kinda stupid to go do 8 miles because I kinda feel like it.
Given how great my recovery was, in the hospital this doctor cleared me to walk a little more and a little faster each time as long as I felt good. Note that running was still a no-no for 6 weeks. So to me, a 2.7 mile slow walk 8 days after a C-section seemed rational.
Well, my doctor was NOT thrilled. She told me to lay off the walking for another week or two. Turns out, even though the incision was looking great, the thing I didn't understand was that the sutures on all the inside layers could rub rub rub together while walking, even a slow walk, and could lead to infection or hemmorhage.
Now a couple days later, and I'm a little annoyed again. Doc knows I'm Type A, knows my training history, and lets me off with a "take it easy for a week or two?" So what happens on day 15, when stupid crazy me does a 12 mile walk? Okay okay, I'm going to try to stay really reasonable and rational. But I'm wishing she had quantified what's considered okay and not okay in her book a little better since we'd already had a difference in expectations.
With producing a race on 1.1.11 (the New Year's Day Half Marathon), I'm not planning on doing anything until I'm past that event. And then I figure a couple miles here and there at a walk will be okay until January 15 (6 weeks post-C-section), when it's okay to start slowly running again.
Given how great my recovery was, in the hospital this doctor cleared me to walk a little more and a little faster each time as long as I felt good. Note that running was still a no-no for 6 weeks. So to me, a 2.7 mile slow walk 8 days after a C-section seemed rational.
Well, my doctor was NOT thrilled. She told me to lay off the walking for another week or two. Turns out, even though the incision was looking great, the thing I didn't understand was that the sutures on all the inside layers could rub rub rub together while walking, even a slow walk, and could lead to infection or hemmorhage.
Now a couple days later, and I'm a little annoyed again. Doc knows I'm Type A, knows my training history, and lets me off with a "take it easy for a week or two?" So what happens on day 15, when stupid crazy me does a 12 mile walk? Okay okay, I'm going to try to stay really reasonable and rational. But I'm wishing she had quantified what's considered okay and not okay in her book a little better since we'd already had a difference in expectations.
With producing a race on 1.1.11 (the New Year's Day Half Marathon), I'm not planning on doing anything until I'm past that event. And then I figure a couple miles here and there at a walk will be okay until January 15 (6 weeks post-C-section), when it's okay to start slowly running again.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
It's Been a Busy Ten Days
On December 1st, Sophie Camille Jones was born at 9:37 am, weighing 8 lbs, 11 ozs, and 20 1/2 inches long. I had to have her via C-section because I had broken my tailbone having my first daughter by normal delivery. She's beautiful, see for yourself...
Everything's Relative - That Applies to Recovery Too
We were blessed to have good insurance that wouldn't shoo us out the door in 24 hours. After having Sophie Wednesday morning, we were able to stay in the hospital until Sunday midday! This was some great recovery time and wonderful one-on-one bonding time Steve and I both got to have with baby Sophie. I felt pretty good considering I'd had major surgery - a lot of people are so nonchalant about C-sections, but it is major surgery, people! Before the first 24 hours post-birth had passed, I was up and walking around. Everything's relative, but this recovery seemed so easy compared to the time in the hospital with blood clotting issues and a broken tailbone (that I should add, is rare enough that everyone treated it like a sore strained muscle and basically ignored it until it continued to hurt so bad and was x-rayed weeks after the birth!).
Recovery Regimen in Hospital
Steve and I kept me super-hydrated and eating lots of food, and we made routine walks around the entire maternity floor of the hospital. More than one loop around the floor at times. I didn't max out pain pillsl quite the opposite in fact. Many times the nurses would come in with one encouraging me to take it because it had been so long since my last one - they were worried the pain would intensify and I'd be stuck waiting for a pain pill to kick in at that point. So I took just enough to continue recovering and resting, and not end up staying in bed the whole time. The doctor was so thrilled with the recovery that they took out the staples across my incision early on Saturday rather than before discharge on Sunday. Knowing my runner history, and seeing how I was doing, the doctor encouraged me to go ahead and keep walking and increase distance and pace a little at a time as long as I listened to my body and felt okay.
Recovery Once We Got Home
Back at home, I was completely off pain pills within a couple days. Between the fourth and eighth days post-C-section, I walked 5.8 miles over those 4 days, at a very slow pace. I'm taking time off from my walks now until I have my checkup with the doctor on Wednesday to verify that how good I'm feeling warrants my activity level. I don't equate slow walks with "exercise" (general guidance says you should wait 6 weeks post-delivery before exercising), but thought it good to check up with the doc. I have been very good about not going up the stairs but a few times (unlike some doctors, mine said I could use stairs but take them very slow), and I have NOT been lifting anything heavier than the baby. Not even baby + carrier. I think the lifting is probably a place where a lot of women get complications during recovery - I had luckily spent the last few months of the pregnancy retraining myself and my 3 year old that she wasn't going to be carried anymore, and that's helped a lot.
Meanwhile, my weight is dropping nicely.
Darling Sophie
Amidst the recovery, I've had my wonderful new baby girl and the joy of seeing Marissa playing the role of big sister so well. Sophie looks a lot like Marissa did as a baby, but she has the cutest chubb that Marissa never had...
And she's a great sleeper...
Steve and I feel so blessed for this new addition to our family. Now back to enjoying my girls, and looking forward to getting back to running as soon as is wise!
Happy Running All!
Everything's Relative - That Applies to Recovery Too
We were blessed to have good insurance that wouldn't shoo us out the door in 24 hours. After having Sophie Wednesday morning, we were able to stay in the hospital until Sunday midday! This was some great recovery time and wonderful one-on-one bonding time Steve and I both got to have with baby Sophie. I felt pretty good considering I'd had major surgery - a lot of people are so nonchalant about C-sections, but it is major surgery, people! Before the first 24 hours post-birth had passed, I was up and walking around. Everything's relative, but this recovery seemed so easy compared to the time in the hospital with blood clotting issues and a broken tailbone (that I should add, is rare enough that everyone treated it like a sore strained muscle and basically ignored it until it continued to hurt so bad and was x-rayed weeks after the birth!).
Recovery Regimen in Hospital
Steve and I kept me super-hydrated and eating lots of food, and we made routine walks around the entire maternity floor of the hospital. More than one loop around the floor at times. I didn't max out pain pillsl quite the opposite in fact. Many times the nurses would come in with one encouraging me to take it because it had been so long since my last one - they were worried the pain would intensify and I'd be stuck waiting for a pain pill to kick in at that point. So I took just enough to continue recovering and resting, and not end up staying in bed the whole time. The doctor was so thrilled with the recovery that they took out the staples across my incision early on Saturday rather than before discharge on Sunday. Knowing my runner history, and seeing how I was doing, the doctor encouraged me to go ahead and keep walking and increase distance and pace a little at a time as long as I listened to my body and felt okay.
Recovery Once We Got Home
Back at home, I was completely off pain pills within a couple days. Between the fourth and eighth days post-C-section, I walked 5.8 miles over those 4 days, at a very slow pace. I'm taking time off from my walks now until I have my checkup with the doctor on Wednesday to verify that how good I'm feeling warrants my activity level. I don't equate slow walks with "exercise" (general guidance says you should wait 6 weeks post-delivery before exercising), but thought it good to check up with the doc. I have been very good about not going up the stairs but a few times (unlike some doctors, mine said I could use stairs but take them very slow), and I have NOT been lifting anything heavier than the baby. Not even baby + carrier. I think the lifting is probably a place where a lot of women get complications during recovery - I had luckily spent the last few months of the pregnancy retraining myself and my 3 year old that she wasn't going to be carried anymore, and that's helped a lot.
Meanwhile, my weight is dropping nicely.
- I gained about 30 lbs over the pregnancy.
- I was 190 lbs at delivery.
- In 10 days, I've lost 24 pounds and am back at 166 lbs, the weight I hung at for about 5 years until shortly before I got pregnant.
- At the time I got pregnant, I had lost 6 lbs the couple weeks before, so my weight was 160 lbs, so I have another 6 to lose to get to that point.
- My lowest weight during the pregnancy was 157 lbs in the first trimester.
Darling Sophie
Amidst the recovery, I've had my wonderful new baby girl and the joy of seeing Marissa playing the role of big sister so well. Sophie looks a lot like Marissa did as a baby, but she has the cutest chubb that Marissa never had...
Happy Running All!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Cheering a Race I Will Always Feel Connected To
I haven't blogged in a few weeks. Life has been hectic preparing for the arrival of my second child. And when you currently aren't running, there's frankly no reason to blog regularly about running, right?
It can be very lonely as a runner when you aren't actually actively running. Ask anyone who has been injured and they'll agree. Many of us have mostly other runners as friends, or they are the only ones who can tolerate us constantly talking about the sport! Add to that being a suburban stay-at-home mom and well, it's easy to feel disconnected from the local running community. Thank goodness for Facebook and Twitter to keep me somewhat sane, living vicariously through running friends' achievements.
But Sunday was a fun morning for me. The DRC Half Marathon was held in Dallas that day. A race dear to me because it's the major fundraiser to provide local running scholarships to Dallas ISD students and because of my past involvement. I got involved in running leadership and race directing via that race, after volunteering during it while I was injured in 2005. I served as Volunteer Coordinator in 2006. Then, I co-directed the race with good friend and Heels and Hills founder Paula Robertson in 2007 - the race was 2 weeks after my first daughter Marissa was born. There are pictures of me in early labor on my Blackberry working on the race. Here's one my hubby snapped...
The plan worked beautifully - I did a lot of the planning and prep and the second the baby was born, Paula took over for the chaos of the last two weeks of executing, and then we both were there all day race day to make it a success.
In 2008, I directed the race solo, and it was a record year that has not been matched since in terms of entrant numbers or finisher counts. 4,450 registered, about 3,700 of which finished the race and were chip-timed! I turned down directing the 2009 race. A race that size involves such a large quantity of hours and effort to make happen. You basically don't sleep the last couple weeks. In 2009, I needed a break from that, and it was great because it let me focus on being able to be more involved with Heels and Hills.
Like I did in 2009, on Sunday I came out and cheered on all the runners. I had my camera in hand and took 130 pictures of awesome running friends looking so strong as they passed me around mile 9 1/2. Some, like Jose, were literally flying (no really, look at his feet, they aren't touching the ground, and yes, Jose is FAST!).
It can be very lonely as a runner when you aren't actually actively running. Ask anyone who has been injured and they'll agree. Many of us have mostly other runners as friends, or they are the only ones who can tolerate us constantly talking about the sport! Add to that being a suburban stay-at-home mom and well, it's easy to feel disconnected from the local running community. Thank goodness for Facebook and Twitter to keep me somewhat sane, living vicariously through running friends' achievements.
But Sunday was a fun morning for me. The DRC Half Marathon was held in Dallas that day. A race dear to me because it's the major fundraiser to provide local running scholarships to Dallas ISD students and because of my past involvement. I got involved in running leadership and race directing via that race, after volunteering during it while I was injured in 2005. I served as Volunteer Coordinator in 2006. Then, I co-directed the race with good friend and Heels and Hills founder Paula Robertson in 2007 - the race was 2 weeks after my first daughter Marissa was born. There are pictures of me in early labor on my Blackberry working on the race. Here's one my hubby snapped...
The plan worked beautifully - I did a lot of the planning and prep and the second the baby was born, Paula took over for the chaos of the last two weeks of executing, and then we both were there all day race day to make it a success.
In 2008, I directed the race solo, and it was a record year that has not been matched since in terms of entrant numbers or finisher counts. 4,450 registered, about 3,700 of which finished the race and were chip-timed! I turned down directing the 2009 race. A race that size involves such a large quantity of hours and effort to make happen. You basically don't sleep the last couple weeks. In 2009, I needed a break from that, and it was great because it let me focus on being able to be more involved with Heels and Hills.
Like I did in 2009, on Sunday I came out and cheered on all the runners. I had my camera in hand and took 130 pictures of awesome running friends looking so strong as they passed me around mile 9 1/2. Some, like Jose, were literally flying (no really, look at his feet, they aren't touching the ground, and yes, Jose is FAST!).
And of course, I saw tons of Heels and Hills shirts, like what Jill is sporting here!
It was a lot of fun, but cheering is always bittersweet for a runner. You wish you were out there with them, running alongside, relishing the anticipation of that upcoming finish line. But I'll be back, and with a vengeance, post C-section recovery to running again in 2011!
Happy Running!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Like I Wasn't Busy Enough, Excited for New Year's Day Half Marathon - 1/1/11 - Allen, TX
On December 1, I'm going to give birth to my second daughter. I have to have a C-Section this time which has been a little concerning to me because I'm an impatient runner and want a fast recovery time, but considering I broke my tailbone the last time I gave birth, I'm not sure I think it can be any worse than that.
But there's still the reality of taking it physically "easy" for 6 weeks before getting back to the swing of things slowly. So then there's no rational reason I would decide to put on a new race on New Year's Day, 4 weeks after having the baby.
The idea had been rolling around in my head since around June. I wanted to do a new race, and I knew I wanted to do it in my own town of Allen, Texas (a suburb of Dallas, TX), and I knew I wanted to do my favorite racing distance, the half marathon. And I kept having this thought popping into my head about the fact that this New Year's would be such a unique date - 1/1/11. I told my husband, "I just think it would look so awesome on a finisher medal or an event shirt!" New Year's also had so few races going on in the entire Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex according to the race calendars, so I knew I wouldn't be making runners choose between this event and an event any friends or other race directors were putting on.
So as irrational as the timing may seem, I kept going back to feeling like it just needed to be done. Sitting down with my ever supportive husband, because I couldn't do it without him, we agreed that we would need to ensure the event was kept at a size that would
I'm keeping the focus on the things people have enjoyed seeing at races I help produce - nice custom race bibs that make good mementos, an event technical shirt rather than a t-shirt that runners will want to wear on future training runs, and a nice finisher medal.
After directing races with confusing names for years, I went with the most explanatory name ever: New Year's Day Half Marathon! You see back in 2006, the Dallas Running Club board, of which I was one member of, rebranded its big established half marathon from "The Half" (which was causing confusion with "half of what" and various other comments) to the Dallas Running Club Half Marathon, at the same time that the club's name had changed to DRC from Cross Country Club of Dallas. Rebranding is an interesting transition for a race, but it generally went well.
Separately, directing Heels and Hills Half Marathon events cause race founder Paula and me to answer lots of questions about "Do I have to run it in heels?" (No, it's just a women-focused fitness organization!) and "Is it really hilly?" (No, the hills were removed with our new course 2 years ago!), so I just wanted a race name that didn't ever have to come with any explanation. Yeah, might not be creative, but you know exactly what you are looking at with it.
Anyway, I had all my ducks in a row a couple weeks ago and opened registration. I put the race on a couple local online race calendars and put out the word via my Facebook page to all my runner friends. The price structure has the entry fees being based on how many have already registered. So the entry fee starts at $50 for the first 50 runners, and then goes up $5 every 50 registrants until it sells out at 200.
Within 26 hours of opening registration, there were 50 registrants. And after a week of registrations, the race was almost half filled. And at the time of this post, the race is 90% full with less than 20 slots left! This presents what would be a nice side effect of the smaller race field, having the race sell out before the baby comes so I'm not having to process new registrations post-partum!
So I'm excited about this new race. And if you would like to do a half marathon, I hope you'll consider coming out and having some fun New Year's Day morning in the DFW metro area with me. It's going to be a great chance to start the new year the active way - to kick the New Year in the booty and tell 2011 who's boss!
If you don't want to run it, I will be searching for volunteers. I will need them. I can't pick up anything more than an 8 lb. baby at that point, so I'll need aid station and finish line help!
Regardless of running it or not, of registering for it or not, of volunteering at it or not, please "like" the Facebook fan page, so word of the event can spread for 2012, with won't present the same limiting factor (new baby) that caused the 2011 race cap.
Happy Running!
But there's still the reality of taking it physically "easy" for 6 weeks before getting back to the swing of things slowly. So then there's no rational reason I would decide to put on a new race on New Year's Day, 4 weeks after having the baby.
The idea had been rolling around in my head since around June. I wanted to do a new race, and I knew I wanted to do it in my own town of Allen, Texas (a suburb of Dallas, TX), and I knew I wanted to do my favorite racing distance, the half marathon. And I kept having this thought popping into my head about the fact that this New Year's would be such a unique date - 1/1/11. I told my husband, "I just think it would look so awesome on a finisher medal or an event shirt!" New Year's also had so few races going on in the entire Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex according to the race calendars, so I knew I wouldn't be making runners choose between this event and an event any friends or other race directors were putting on.
So as irrational as the timing may seem, I kept going back to feeling like it just needed to be done. Sitting down with my ever supportive husband, because I couldn't do it without him, we agreed that we would need to ensure the event was kept at a size that would
- Be manageable for me to work out all the logistics with a newborn at home
- Be able to support with volunteers, which we didn't know how many we could get for a holiday morning.
I'm keeping the focus on the things people have enjoyed seeing at races I help produce - nice custom race bibs that make good mementos, an event technical shirt rather than a t-shirt that runners will want to wear on future training runs, and a nice finisher medal.
After directing races with confusing names for years, I went with the most explanatory name ever: New Year's Day Half Marathon! You see back in 2006, the Dallas Running Club board, of which I was one member of, rebranded its big established half marathon from "The Half" (which was causing confusion with "half of what" and various other comments) to the Dallas Running Club Half Marathon, at the same time that the club's name had changed to DRC from Cross Country Club of Dallas. Rebranding is an interesting transition for a race, but it generally went well.
Separately, directing Heels and Hills Half Marathon events cause race founder Paula and me to answer lots of questions about "Do I have to run it in heels?" (No, it's just a women-focused fitness organization!) and "Is it really hilly?" (No, the hills were removed with our new course 2 years ago!), so I just wanted a race name that didn't ever have to come with any explanation. Yeah, might not be creative, but you know exactly what you are looking at with it.
Anyway, I had all my ducks in a row a couple weeks ago and opened registration. I put the race on a couple local online race calendars and put out the word via my Facebook page to all my runner friends. The price structure has the entry fees being based on how many have already registered. So the entry fee starts at $50 for the first 50 runners, and then goes up $5 every 50 registrants until it sells out at 200.
Within 26 hours of opening registration, there were 50 registrants. And after a week of registrations, the race was almost half filled. And at the time of this post, the race is 90% full with less than 20 slots left! This presents what would be a nice side effect of the smaller race field, having the race sell out before the baby comes so I'm not having to process new registrations post-partum!
So I'm excited about this new race. And if you would like to do a half marathon, I hope you'll consider coming out and having some fun New Year's Day morning in the DFW metro area with me. It's going to be a great chance to start the new year the active way - to kick the New Year in the booty and tell 2011 who's boss!
If you don't want to run it, I will be searching for volunteers. I will need them. I can't pick up anything more than an 8 lb. baby at that point, so I'll need aid station and finish line help!
Regardless of running it or not, of registering for it or not, of volunteering at it or not, please "like" the Facebook fan page, so word of the event can spread for 2012, with won't present the same limiting factor (new baby) that caused the 2011 race cap.
Happy Running!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Celebrating 10 Years Since My Darkest Hour
September 2000 was a major month in my life. It revolves around something I rarely talk about, and I think in big part it's because I once felt so defined by it and never want anyone to do that to me again, because I won't give it more credit than being an influence of my identity. It's kinda long, but it's the shortest I can write it, sorry!
I have a chronic medical condition, fibromyalgia, for which the doctors thought I would never be able to be an active or very mobile individual, and in September 2000 I was in the depths of my darkest hour with the condition. I came out the other side but don't think I'm past it. It's a condition I live with every day, it affects the choices I've made in my life, and it's a big part of why I'm obsessed with this sport of running and want to encourage so many other people to get active, because I know that if I could, others can!
A Quick Background
An overly simplified history of my illness, written as I recall it now, which may or may not be completely factually accurate, but it's the best retelling I have:
This brings me to September 2000. In the few months before this, I've turned 20, finished my Bachelor's degree in Mathematics with an emphasis in Statistics, gotten married, moved into our first apartment together, and begun a full-time job as an actuary.
My work is getting frustrated with the off-and-on sick days depending on my pain level and send me off for a one-month disability leave to see if we can make me better. I'm hooked up to a portable neuro-stimulus unit a few times a day and feeling awfully bedridden.
I feel helpless, hopeless, and fearful. I spend hours on the phone arguing with and fighting through paperwork with my medical insurance and disability insurance company because that's the way the system works. I recall looking back that I cried a lot.
During this time, I start doing yoga and Pilates, which the doctors would have hated if I told them because of the impact on my bones and muscles. Pilates helps me feel like I'm getting stronger - which shouldn't be possible according to the doomsday docs. I start managing my stress level in my life better, getting more sleep, canceling all the doctor appointments, and finally - going off all the drugs.
September 2000 was a game changer for me. It was the month that I saw the bottom, hated it, and decided that life was not a life I wanted.
It's really the month that I feel like I took back my life. Since then, I struggle some days. I wake up every single day in some level of pain and choose to live life and not let the world see the physical pain on my face. I've carefully worked towards getting more active, sometimes with baby steps since it's a muscular condition and can flare up from time to time. We think the fibromyalgia was what made pregnancy more painful for me - the stretching of the muscles during the 9 month transformation was not something my body looked kindly on. My world is influenced by the condition I was dealt, but I still make the decisions, not the medical condition.
Quite a Journey
I have defied all the doctors' odds, have not seen a doctor for the condition since September 2000, and am in the best shape of my life. My first half marathon was walked with a finish time of about 3:35. I've completed 20 half marathons in 5 years, even after a running injury in late 2005 that took a year to fully recover from and a hard pregnancy with my daughter in 2007. I'm obsessed with encouraging others to get active, because I wish someone had been that little voice for me. So I have volunteered a lot in the running world and spent hours coordinating running events just to see the smiles of first-timers crossing the finish line. My husband, family, and friends have to endure hours of me strategizing my training, my racing, and my running. My husband is the best window into my soul for all this obsession - it helps show me how justified it is. He takes all this obsession in and listens and helps and lets me vent and watches me spend hours on the computer planning a race for others to enjoy. And I know it's because he had to watch firsthand what I went through. He took care of me in that darkest hour, and it made us stronger together for having been through it.
Ten years... it's been quite a journey. I can't wait to see where the next 10 years leads.
I have a chronic medical condition, fibromyalgia, for which the doctors thought I would never be able to be an active or very mobile individual, and in September 2000 I was in the depths of my darkest hour with the condition. I came out the other side but don't think I'm past it. It's a condition I live with every day, it affects the choices I've made in my life, and it's a big part of why I'm obsessed with this sport of running and want to encourage so many other people to get active, because I know that if I could, others can!
A Quick Background
An overly simplified history of my illness, written as I recall it now, which may or may not be completely factually accurate, but it's the best retelling I have:
- Age 13 - Occasional serious back pain is ignored by doctors as simply "growing pains"
- Age 16 - Pain has become more chronic. I'm put on heavy daily doses of Advil by a doctor who never should have done that.
- Age 17 - I've resorted to sleeping on the cement floor in a sleeping bag in my college dorm room because the mattress seems to be only making my pain worse. A doctor takes me off the Advil, puts me on a painkiller that gives me intense "real-like" nightmares.
- Age 18 - Rounds of physical therapy are becoming routine life for me. I've begun taking painkillers, anti-inflammatories, and muscle relaxers regularly to continue to function normally, all while getting great grades in college and holding a professional corporate internship in the actuarial field. I feel a little crazy as the pain worsens in different parts of my back at different times with still no diagnosis.
- Age 19 - I jump from specialist to specialist. I've not had an agreed-upon diagnosis, just agreed-upon extreme measures. While the pain is mostly in my back, I have generalized muscle pain and occasional phantom pains in other parts of my body. Words like "disc disintegration", "lumbar facet syndrome", "osteoarthritis" are thrown around but often seem to be filler words for what the doctors can't figure out. We try out different drugs, and I'm getting occasional cortisone shots. The pain is strongly affecting what I can do - can't stand for long, can't sit for long, spending more time in bed, etc. At that point, doctors are beginning of throw around the idea it could be "fibromyalgia" which unfortunately is not easily diagnosable (its a condition identified by a collection of symptoms so you can't just test for it in a blood test or something like that) or curable. Some days I'm still not comfortable with the term because I'm a quantifier and don't like using a term for something the medical community itself finds so unquantifiable. These doctors' negative thoughts send me into a downward spiral as I lose hope. I'm told I need to consider having surgery to fuse the worst vertebraes affected together. But that this normally leads to an additional 14 surgeries over time as the other vertebraes end up needing to get fused also. I'm told I will never run and will very possibly not be able to walk past age 35 if this continues to progress and conditions continue to deteriorate.
- Age 20 - I'm frustrated by the only options being high dose painkillers or surgery and a specialist sends me to a "pain management clinic". I'm excited until I'm confronted with the reality that their only ideas of pain management for me, on top of what we've already done, is cortisone injections straight into the bone routinely - very painful itself. I refuse.
This brings me to September 2000. In the few months before this, I've turned 20, finished my Bachelor's degree in Mathematics with an emphasis in Statistics, gotten married, moved into our first apartment together, and begun a full-time job as an actuary.
My work is getting frustrated with the off-and-on sick days depending on my pain level and send me off for a one-month disability leave to see if we can make me better. I'm hooked up to a portable neuro-stimulus unit a few times a day and feeling awfully bedridden.
I feel helpless, hopeless, and fearful. I spend hours on the phone arguing with and fighting through paperwork with my medical insurance and disability insurance company because that's the way the system works. I recall looking back that I cried a lot.
During this time, I start doing yoga and Pilates, which the doctors would have hated if I told them because of the impact on my bones and muscles. Pilates helps me feel like I'm getting stronger - which shouldn't be possible according to the doomsday docs. I start managing my stress level in my life better, getting more sleep, canceling all the doctor appointments, and finally - going off all the drugs.
September 2000 was a game changer for me. It was the month that I saw the bottom, hated it, and decided that life was not a life I wanted.
It's really the month that I feel like I took back my life. Since then, I struggle some days. I wake up every single day in some level of pain and choose to live life and not let the world see the physical pain on my face. I've carefully worked towards getting more active, sometimes with baby steps since it's a muscular condition and can flare up from time to time. We think the fibromyalgia was what made pregnancy more painful for me - the stretching of the muscles during the 9 month transformation was not something my body looked kindly on. My world is influenced by the condition I was dealt, but I still make the decisions, not the medical condition.
Quite a Journey
I have defied all the doctors' odds, have not seen a doctor for the condition since September 2000, and am in the best shape of my life. My first half marathon was walked with a finish time of about 3:35. I've completed 20 half marathons in 5 years, even after a running injury in late 2005 that took a year to fully recover from and a hard pregnancy with my daughter in 2007. I'm obsessed with encouraging others to get active, because I wish someone had been that little voice for me. So I have volunteered a lot in the running world and spent hours coordinating running events just to see the smiles of first-timers crossing the finish line. My husband, family, and friends have to endure hours of me strategizing my training, my racing, and my running. My husband is the best window into my soul for all this obsession - it helps show me how justified it is. He takes all this obsession in and listens and helps and lets me vent and watches me spend hours on the computer planning a race for others to enjoy. And I know it's because he had to watch firsthand what I went through. He took care of me in that darkest hour, and it made us stronger together for having been through it.
Ten years... it's been quite a journey. I can't wait to see where the next 10 years leads.
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